There I sat in my driveway sobbing.
My brain was darting in every direction.
What just happened?
How did I let this happen?
Should I call my husband or 9-1-1?
Is it THAT bad?
Should I pick up my child from the ground?
She's screaming, "I need an ice pack!"
I quickly assessed the situation…
This is BAD! Really BAD! It IS "THAT BAD!"
Suddenly I know .. CALL 9-1-1 .. NOW!!
I attempted to comfort my 7-year-old while answering the dispatcher's questions.
My 11-year-old stood over me, red-faced & screaming, “YOU DID THIS TO HER, MOM! YOU RAN OVER YOUR DAUGHTER!” I threw my phone in the yard and screamed back, “CALL DADDY!” All 3 of us were bawling and mumbling. -Or perhaps it just seemed like mumbling because my brain was spinning so fast. My mind was racing .... over and over I thought,
"WHAT JUST HAPPENED?"
"HOW DID I LET THIS HAPPEN?"
"WHY DID THIS HAPPEN?"
No matter how fast my mind raced, my focus was to take care of my baby girl! Her beautiful little head lay in my lap. I sobbed as she screamed in agonizing pain. Icy balls of snow were piling all around us. I used my hand to shield her face from the snow. My other hand gently pet her hair. I tried to speak words of comfort, “It's OK baby, it's OK baby, just don't move, mommy is here! Don't move!”
(Looking back - wow. She was so strong!)
I had watched enough episodes of Chicago Med and other shows to know - you never move someone after an accident! She was lifting her head on her own, so I gently sat next to her on the ground & slid my leg under her head. I just wanted to create a comfortable pillow from the pavement. That's what we do as moms. Right? We try to make things all better for our babies!
I could hear the police sirens approaching from the distance.
My one-year-old was still strapped in his seat in the car.
It was a Monday at 4:30, we were headed to dance class. Just like we had done every Monday for the past 2 years. It was just a "normal day". It was St. Patrick’s Day week. My little dancer was dressed head to toe in green. (Mint green - her favorite color) Her little dance backpack was on her back as she skipped down the driveway giggling. She had 3 hand-drawn cards for her dance teachers with notes telling them she was leaving for Florida in a few days, so she wouldn't be at class the following week.
Turns out this day would not be normal. And my baby would not return to dance for the rest of the season. March 13th would forever be the day of the accident. The day that my sweet little girl had a severe bone brake. The day that would change all the days ahead.
We were just days away from leaving for Spring Break. We all desperately needed a vacation. It was to be our first trip in our brand-new camper! The 34-foot camper was parked at the top of the driveway. I backed out of the garage, turned the car around, and pulled down the drive past the incline. My girls were racing each other, fighting over who would get the front seat. I don’t usually pull down the drive.
My mind is tormented by so many thoughts,
"WHY DID YOU PULL DOWN THE DRIVE?"
"WHY DIDN'T YOU BACK OUT AND STOP??"
"HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE??"
We just moved into my dad’s house. It's a little house with a little garage. Last fall we sold our brand new (great big) house. We used to have a 2 garage that allowed me to open the doors to the car on the inside. Everyone got in the car and then we went on down the drive.
It’s so easy to say, “This never would’ve happened, if… _______.” (As if I can predict the future or what could've/would've happened..)
Dad’s little house has a single-stall garage & it just barely holds my minivan! Perhaps moving wasn’t such a bright idea after all!? I'm trying not to live with regrets! But once again wondering what I was thinking & HOW STUPID can one person be?
So, I backed out of the garage & around the camper. I turned the car around. I was driving slowly down the drive on the incline to stop by the driveway alarm.. and *BUMP!*
That bump haunts me!
It kills my stomach.
I’ve chewed my nails to stubs.
My back is riddled with knots from tensing with stress when I think of the accident.
I. Can't. Stop. Hearing. The. Bump.
Just like that, a bump.
I ran my daughter over.
Me. Her mom. * Bump. *
Me. Her mom. The protector.
The woman who prays daily for the safety of her children - could not keep her children safe in her care............... One Bump!!
It happened so fast!
She had fallen next to the car. The rear passenger tire of my minivan went over her leg.
Never had I instantly hated myself as much as I did at that moment.
The hatred grew over the next 5 days in the hospital.
My mind raced day after day.
“HOW could I let this happen to my baby?”
“WHY didn’t I just STOP?!”
"THIS NEVER SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED!"
"You don't deserve your child!"
More and more my mind raced.. “you are complete garbage”, “a horrible mother”, “God trusted you with this child & you failed Him!”
“You failed God!"
"You failed your child!”
I was riddled with guilt, shame, fear, sadness, & anger. Then - I couldn't help but wonder - what will people think? Surely everyone that I know will hate me. Because I deeply hate myself for this.
A flood of text messages began pouring in on the way to the hospital.
First: “I see there are cops and EMTs all down your drive - what’s going on?”
Dozens of messages continued to pour in.
Even though my husband and I aren’t on social media, others posted about the incident. People I don't regularly speak to started texting me. People I haven't heard from in years sent me messages. People I don't even know ask me what had happened. The worst people were the ones that asked, “How could something like this have happened?!”
Well, I know that it happened because accidents happen… But the devil tells me, "It happened because you're an idiot." & "It happened because you're a terrible mother!"
As the EMTs were preparing to leave for the hospital - I stood in my driveway shaking & staring off into space. Frozen. Numb. IN SHOCK!
What do I do now?
There were people instructing me to grab stuff I would need for my baby. I put his socks on & grabbed some diapers. One of the EMTs (a woman) hugged me and told me that "Jesus had this!" She also said she'd pray.
I couldn't think straight. I could hardly see through my tears.
My husband was in the ambulance with our girl.
I heard someone say to someone else, "She shouldn't be driving!"
Then someone yelled at me, "Do you have someone to drive you?"
I stood there sobbing some more .. thinking about all of my dead family members. I usually have dad to help me in times of trouble. But he's dead too.
Then, I mumbled, "No. No, I don't have anyone to call." My brain ached as I tried with all my might to think. But I wanted to collapse.
All of a sudden I was jolted out of my tornado of pain. A first responder standing by piped up and said, "I WILL DO IT!" This man drove me to the hospital over an hour away from my house. I had no idea who he was, he was tall & he could've been an ax murderer! But he wasn't.
Now, I praise God for Richard!
All the way to the hospital, I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't think. I didn't know which way to look or turn. I didn't know what to do. The drive to the hospital seemed longer than normal. My other 2 kiddos in the back were so quiet. Soon the ambulance caught up to us & passed us.
I cried harder.
When we pulled into the hospital parking lot I just wanted to jump and run! My husband’s 19-year-old daughter and her boyfriend met us outside the hospital. They took my other 2 children away. I had never been away from my one-year-old, not even for a day. My oldest had been struggling emotionally for months, and now this. She watched this horrible event, and I wondered, will she be ok? My younger daughter was in the ER with my husband. I worried for her. I worried my husband would leave me. My brain said, "Look at all the things you've ruined with this accident!" I was standing in the parking lot of hospital 1. I stood there turning back and forth between my car with the rest of our kids and the hospital.
Which direction do I go? What am I supposed to be doing now? Two pieces of my heart were in my car and another one is laying in the hospital - I ran inside. That’s all I could think to do. Just GO! Run! I ran to be with my broken baby! Praise God our oldest was there for the littles. My entire world had been torn apart in a matter of an hour and I was losing it.
The next 12 hours were dreadful.
We expected the ER at the first hospital to be wonderful. We had no bad experiences with this hospital in the past aside from my dad's death. I don't believe that was the fault of the hospital. My father had died at this same hospital 16 months prior from covid.
My emotions were everywhere.
I hadn’t spoken to my husband about this. I didn't know if he was angry at me or if he wanted me to leave. We are all in emergency panic mode. He hopped in the ambulance with her and I stayed with the other kids. When arriving at the hospital they told me I couldn’t go back. They said I’d have to wait an hour to see her.
I said, “SHE IS 7 YEARS OLD!!!”
“I’m her mom!”
At this point, I felt like being her mom was the worst person that I could be because of what had happened. Maybe everyone at the hospital knew this was my fault and I'd been flagged? Maybe I was the last person that anyone wanted to have access to her? Maybe my husband was furious and requested that I not be let back?
Of course, the lady at the desk didn’t care. She was just doing her job. The lobby was packed. My heart said, “Be nice!" But my brain wanted me to pounce!
The battle of spirit and flesh ensues!
“The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions. Galatians 5:17 NLT
They sent the chaplain out to speak with me and immediately I think, she’s dying!
WHY CANT I SEE MY BABY?? My next thought was that maybe I was being arrested. Back at the house, a county deputy had stood over me in my driveway. He made sure to inform me that they were running my plates and contacting the Department of Child Services! I couldn’t help but think, “WHOA! that sounds scary .. but WHO CARES! HELP MY BABY!!”
I stood there nervously waiting for the chaplain or whoever was going to pop out of the big doors. I just wanted to push through and go see my kid. But I waited patiently like a good girl.
I deeply love my daughter and I just wanted to be by her side.
“Children are a gift from the Lord, a reward from a mother’s womb.” Psalms 127:3 ERV
No one had ever kept me from my kids before. This was so bizarre. I breastfed this little girl until she was 3 1/2 years old! She had been on my hip or by my side until she was 6 years old and off to kindergarten! I cried as we left the school at the thought of not having her home with me anymore. How did we get to this point? Where they had to check and see if it was ok that I was in the room with her? I had taken her to every doctor's visit or dentist appointment of her life! I'm the momma! But at that moment, I felt as though I was a criminal!
After they let me back to the first emergency room they had already done some scans. They were preparing for more full-body scans. All of her little mint green clothes had been cut off of her. She was agitated, I could see the pain & fear in her eyes. I'm grateful that my husband was there by her side. Normally I am the only parent who would take our children to doctor appointments. I am the caregiver. My husband is the provider. Not being involved in every step of this process was a blow to the gut from the start. I hated myself. I hated this mess.
I made this mess, so surely they hated me as well! I couldn’t see much beyond myself. My baby was laying there aching because of my error. I wished it was me. That I could trade her places. My hurricane brain began to spin again,
“How could I have let this happen?”
Then, I heard my sweet little girl say,
“Mommy, I need you!”
Briefly, her need for me pulled me out of my funk.
I had this sigh of relief like, OK, she doesn't hate me. She just wants her mama. I'm still needed. I can be here. It's okay that I'm here.
For the next 12 hours, my husband and I took turns holding her hand. One of us would dry our tears and hold her hand. The other one would sit and sob, then we would switch.
This hospital was horrendous. It was sloppily run, filthy, provided very little help or comfort, & it was so scary for our daughter. Finally, after hours of sitting, an orthopedic nurse visited us. She told us that where the break in our daughter’s leg was rare & severe. She said the femoral head was stuck in the hip socket & the femur was broken completely off. If this was not repaired in a timely fashion, it could potentially cause the femoral head to die. She insisted that if we did not have the surgery done within 24 hours that she may develop avascular necrosis. There was a concern for the main blood vessel, if it was damaged and the blood supply was lost that is when the femoral head could die. This is what could lead to our daughter developing avascular necrosis.
Avascular necrosis is the death of the femoral head as a result of vascular disruption.
The signs of this may not even be noticed until her 30s, but by acting quickly to intervene & repair we hoped to spare her from this future tragedy. (aka: total hip replacement)
At this point, the nurse gave us the choice to transfer our daughter to the children’s hospital 130 miles away. She said that this surgery was not something they see much of in Hospital 1. The doctor had done it before and she had confidence in him, but if it was her child, she would transfer. We decided that we’d prefer our baby go to the children’s hospital. This hospital is number six in the nation and we felt more comfortable knowing that she was in the hands of a pediatric surgeon.
We were told the helicopter would come to get her. (And later found out that with a break like THAT, it should always immediately be handled by a helicopter ride! The chopper should've been called on scene.) The chopper was supposed to take her at 2 AM.
We were transferred from the regular ER around midnight to the pediatric ER. We were thinking, ok great! We thought pediatric ER means better care for kids!? Boy were we ever WRONG! What an absolute NIGHTMARE! The helicopter did NOT come at 2 AM! It never came. The nursing staff did NOT care. At all. We were a burden to them. They giggled all night long. These women didn’t want to work. For 4 hours we were stuck in a dark & dirty room without being checked on once. Our poor little 50-pound daughter was in excruciating pain! Her left leg was broken completely off of the femoral head. (We later found out that the break was more severe than Hospital 1 even knew. The great trochanter was broken completely off and her hip was rotated out of place.) She held tight to the bed, white-knuckling the rails for hours as her muscles spasmed & shot pain through her tiny body. She was cold and vomiting. The room was maybe 60°. I stuck my head out when she was throwing up and asked for a nurse. The nurse popped her head in, saw she was vomiting, and left. NO HELP to clean her up or give her meds. She never came back. There were 3 nurses on staff. Our daughter had a major trauma & no one on this wing would help her. She had to potty a few hours after being moved to this room, and my husband and I were afraid to move her. I stepped out and asked the nurse if she could help us. She said she guessed she could look for a bedpan. I told her it wasn't safe to move her. She entered the room an hour later with an adult-sized vacuum catheter that she didn't properly place and my child sat in her urine for hours after. Finally, my husband & I had enough. We were not getting good care for our aching baby. It had been 4 hours, she hadn't received any pain meds, and she needed attention immediately. He left the room to find the original nurse from the original ER room to help us. She was already working past her shift. He had to push through ER doors that were setting off alarms, but he got her to help us. She administered some meds to our girl and contacted the hospital director to get us out of there. The ambulance arrived around 7 AM with a team of 3. 15 hours into the "24-hour window", it was finally time to take our little angel to the children’s hospital. 2 women rode in the back of the ambulance with her. An old man drove. They would not allow either of us to ride with her. She was scared, we were scared, and our hearts were broken! My husband and I made the 2+ hour drive to the Children's Hospital in an hour and 40 minutes. Neither one of us said much, occasionally mumbling about all the reasons we loved her and what a great kid she is. We said some prayers, read prayers from friends, & sobbed the entire way.
It was a cold and snowy late winter day. There was slush on the roads, I haven’t a clue how we made it there safely. I gripped the door and closed my eyes as my husband weaved through the downtown city traffic. The hand of God had to be covering us.
We arrived at the children’s hospital before our daughter, it was approximately 35 minutes before she arrived. We had made a pitstop at my stepdaughter’s house on the way. She had packed us some clothes and hygiene items. So we thought how could we have beaten the ambulance there? We were nervously praying that our little girl was ok and that nothing had happened on her way to the hospital. My husband had given them his cell phone number to contact us - God forbid something would happen in the ambulance. He nervously checked his phone to see if they had called. I sat staring out the window .. anxiously waiting. I couldn’t help but hate myself.
The whirlwind of emotions that I was experiencing was hell. I truly hated myself. I couldn’t stop seeing the accident replay in my head. I wanted to take it back. I wanted to fix it. I wanted to trade her places. She didn’t deserve this. She deserves a better mom than me. This was a mess and it was all my fault.
Where is my baby?
Is my daughter ok?
How could I have let this happen?
When would she get here?
Will they let us go back and see her asap?
Is she going to be able to dance again?
What the heck..........................?????
Wait! - STOP BRAIN!
.. SHE’S HERE!
The blue ambulance pulled in. That's my girl.
I ran to the counter to ask if we could go back to be with her. The team was talking about the trauma arriving. YES! That's our girl.. please let me in!
The ER team buzzed us through right through (Praise GOD!)
There she came .. they were wheeling our princess in. A swarm of people surrounded her. As she peeked up through the crowd, she found my husband’s face, her little hand popped up and waved. She is so precious. We cried some more.
It meant everything to my husband for him to be there when she arrived. He is a man of his word and he told her he would meet her there. And we were. Since we couldn’t ride with her, it was important to us that we were there when she got there. We didn’t want her to feel alone or scared.
There was a night and day difference in the hospital experience from the first hospital to the second. Arriving at the second hospital she was swarmed like bees to a hive.
There was a trauma team taking care of our daughter & checking on her every need. There was an intake team, a chaplain, doctors, nurses, and residents everywhere. There was a team of social workers interviewing me and assessing the situation.
I had to tell the story over and over. Most of the time I balled my eyes out & sometimes I didn’t. The roller coaster I was riding was making me sick. I paced the room, back & forth dozens of times. The time just kept passing. I did my best to hold it together and kept telling the story repeatedly. Reliving it dozens of times. The bump that haunted me had to be shared with each doctor that asked. My trauma-soaked brain wanted to shove it away. Get rid of this mess, fix it, and forget about it. But it was real and had to be shared. I had to walk through the pain, hiding wasn't an option. I had to replay the accident in my head numerous times step-by-step remembering each detail. I wanted my girl to get proper care.
The chaplain brought us 2 cups of hot black coffee that we guzzled down. We hadn't had anything to eat or drink since I made us lunch nearly 24 hours prior. Coffee had never tasted so good. We needed it. This team was so attentive to all of our family's needs. They had care down to a science. We were so appreciative.
Around 11:30 AM the orthopedic surgeon's assistant brought me the paperwork to sign. Another child was being operated on. When that child was out of surgery, it was time for our little girl to be mended.
They medicated our daughter and turned the lights down so she could rest. She was covered in a pile of blankets, toys, and stuffed animals for comfort. They brought her a pizza-shaped squish ball for the stress. (She squished that thing for a week straight. It eventually exploded. We picked up all the little pieces and put them in a baggie for safekeeping in her memory box.)
The care at this hospital was phenomenal. We were brought boxed lunches while we waited for surgery. At 2:30 pm the surgical prep team came to get us. (2 hours shy of the 24-hour mark!) We followed as our girl was taken up for her surgery. The surgeon was fantastic. He told us that the original concern for her broken bone was WRONG! (Praise Jesus!) The fracture curved and missed her growth plates! (Praise Jesus!) We had a fantastic conversation with the doctor. He drew a picture of how he would repair her leg. He was confident, and kindly assured us she would be ok, & bonus - he had done this surgery before! He told us to lean into each other, encouraged us to pray & accept help from our church family! This was so uplifting. We were thrilled that she was finally getting the help that she needed.
While she was in surgery we were taken to a family waiting area. It was very comfortable. A friend of a friend brought us food from Chick-fil-A & some hygiene items. I hadn’t eaten in over a day. I hadn’t been eating fries or carbs but that food went straight to my soul! We were so grateful to have someone to chat with during the surgery. It helped the 2 1/2 hours pass quicker. We went to the waiting area around 3 pm. We got to go see our baby around 6 pm. She had a successful surgery. No blood was needed. No complications. Doc met with us and had zero concerns. PRAISE JESUS!
After an hour in recovery, we were taken to a room where we stayed the next 4 nights. (Accident was Monday @ 4:30, surgery was Tuesday @ 3:30, & we went home Saturday at 10:30 AM!)
Upon entering the hospital room, it was the Ritz Carlton in comparison to the night before! We had laid our foreheads on the railing of her bed shivering in the filthy ER. This room had a recliner, a couch, a desk, a tv, windows, & a private bathroom. Praise Jesus!
Our girl asked for a popsicle a couple of hours after surgery. She had some water and we all slept a little bit the first night. (Crashed...)
It was a rollercoaster of emotions the next few days as the healing began, we waited for her custom brace to be made, & she struggled with the pain.
We had family drama as I lost my cool, we ran out of clothes, & I had some raging suicidal thoughts for the first time in years.
Nothing in life can prepare you for watching your child suffer in pain. Especially when you’ve caused the injury with your own vehicle.
The lack of sleep, stress, & sparse nutrition had my brain boiling. (Not to mention I had just started my period the day of the accident and I was so sick that morning!) I was an absolute MESS! My husband and I had some rude moments and snippy interactions. I bit his family’s heads off, and I cursed at the hospital chaplain. I sat there pulling my hair and thinking, "If only that window would open!" At one point, I was suffering so badly, I looked out the 8th-story window to see what I would land on if I could jump out the window!
I felt as though I didn’t deserve my child, she deserved better than me, and perhaps if I died her dad could find someone better to care for her.
Thank. God. for friends from our church. The prayers and messages coming through my phone are what kept me going. I couldn’t always read them all & no way could I have responded to them all…. But knowing/seeing I had support and people to share the pain with, pulled me through.
Wednesday was a rest day.
Thursday evening she got her brace.
Friday they came for PT & walked us through transfers.
Saturday morning we came home.
Arriving home was peaceful. Our house was clean, furniture was moved, & our dog was taken on a doggie vacation. We were so grateful for the friends (friends that are family!) that did all of this work to help get our girl home safely! Our house is overflowing with stuffed animals, balloons, coloring books, plants & flowers. So many fun new toys to keep her busy. She has minimal pain. (PRAISE JESUS!) We are doing just fine getting her transferred from her bed to the commode, commode to the wheelchair, etc.
My husband went to work. I balance my time taking care of my one-year-old and my seven-year-old. (Sometimes there is zero balance and it’s complete chaos but we push through!) My oldest is such a great help & entertains herself after school. We found her an excellent therapist & our friends are taking her under their wings too! We are blessed.
After we had been home a week, we were visited by the Department of child services. They sent a six-foot-six-inch tall man to our house. There I was home alone, a five-foot-four-inch tall woman and my three children. He had to interview my children alone. My 11-year-old told me that he asked her if she ever felt unsafe in our home. She said she told him no but that she wanted to say, “I don’t feel safe with you here right now!” He told me that my seven-year-old responded that she feels unsafe in our home if she sees a movie that has a vampire in it! (She watched a Barbie cartoon that morning that had a vampire in it!) My kids are sweet and I hope that he can see how precious and innocent they are! They have never been exposed to half of the junk he was asking about! Domestic violence, drugs, alcohol, and firearms, are not things that are allowed in our home. We live a normal life. Our life is so normal that I'm sure it could be considered boring!
My children's lives don't have drama in them. Last year they went to Disney World, twice to the beach, stayed in a cabin in the smokey mountains, & spent a beautiful day at Dollywood. And we are involved with our church, our school is wonderful, our daughter had her first dance recital, we bought a new travel trailer to do some traveling this year… We were preparing to go to Miramar Beach for spring break when this freak accident happened.
We love our kids.
We are excited about doing life with them, teaching them new things, & taking them to new places! Lately, we have been enjoying the sunshine with them. We would never intentionally hurt our children. I would never hurt my child! I pray that the DCS case worker and his “team of agents” can see that my children are well cared for, deeply loved, and totally spoiled! He told me that he’s "never had a case like this before." I was feeling so discouraged after he left. He painted a terrible picture and instilled fear in me. (Maybe that was the point?!)
We live in a clean home, with running water, lots of food, and tons of love. He took photos of our running water, the food in our fridge, and my kid's beautiful smiles.
My aunt was a CASA (court-appointed special advocate). She said the last case she was on, the family lived in a run-down motel, the dad was detoxing from drugs, and the kids ate only cereal. CPS was on the case but did not take the children from that scenario. So surely, my kids should be considered safe! I am grateful that this system is in place. But it seems as though the system tends to lack common sense.
It has been a month since the accident. The DCS case has closed. My kids are safe at home. My daughter is in her brace and healing. The next appointment is approaching.
These kids are my whole world.
I refuse to believe the devil's lies! He almost had me with this one. But, "Not today Satan!"
I will continue to LIVE! I love my children well, I care for them, I fight to protect them, and pray for them (pray with them). We will go on about life perhaps a little slower. I am practicing being present with our kids and praising Jesus regularly for their beautiful lives.
I praise God for the family that He has provided me.
This situation is a mess. A mistake. An accident.
I can’t stand this mess. But this messy mess will be part of my message.
I pray that someday this story will help someone else in a time of need.
I pray that this experience will continue to strengthen our family and draw us closer together.
I pray that we never forget the way that this accident has made us feel.
I pray that we will continue to grow closer to our Lord and Savior because of this mess.
I pray that this test will be used in my testimony.
The devil cannot have me. Not now. Not ever.
I have trudged through so much muck in my life and I’m not done persevering!!!!!!!!
We will sort through the mess and get on with the show. I will share this message with those who might be struggling with a similar situation.
GOD CAN USE ANYTHING! NOTHING IS WASTED! ❤️
"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28
I don’t ever want to go back in time. So many people say they just want things to "go back to normal." I’ve never been normal and where I was - wasn’t working!!!!!
May I always be growing closer to God!
I’ve never confidently been in a time in life where I’ve thought, “THIS IS IT! I’ve done it!”
Ha. NOPE! Life has always felt like I am doing something wrong.
But I keep pushing forward. Life is so short. I never want to wish a day away. I must always keep pushing forward in hopes of getting closer and closer to my day with Jesus! I want to use this awful experience as a stone in my walk with Christ. I will keep walking for Him.
I am so thankful to be a part of a church family that surrounds me with the love of Christ. I'm not sure how anyone does life without a support system. The encouragement that I have received during this period of insanity has been overwhelmingly wonderful. People keep saying I'm a good mom. They also comment on my strength.
I do not feel either of those things right now.
I serve a good God who is strong.
And HE IS ENOUGH.
God promises to restore us.
I am praising God that my daughter is alive.
My daughter is healing. (Praise God!)
I know that she will feel whole again, long before I do, I am sure of it. She is strong. (and kids forget!) I will continue to give her all my love and strength.
My Abba Father will give me all of His love and strength, I just have to go to Him.
So here I am God, I surrender.
I am clinging to His Word & trying to be grateful.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” (James 1:2-5)
I know that it could always be worse. I know that her head could've been crushed or her internal organs could've been smashed. I know that we could be battling childhood cancer.
It could always be worse.
God knows what we can handle. I am grateful that everything is going to be OK.
I Praise God that it wasn't worse. I pray that we don't have to go through anything like this again. But no matter what, God is good. Always.
If you are experiencing trauma right now, I am so sorry.
Message me, let's pray together!
Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers - Ephesians 6:18
Thank You Dear Friends for reading the words I have vomited in this post!
I pray that you are blessed today with safety and comfort.
In Matthew 5:4, Jesus says, “Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.”
Rest in HIS WORDS.
Until we meet again, dear.
Love,
Kelsey - The Spewer Of Words
Thank you for reading. 🙏🏼
If you wish to show support for HELLO DEAR, share this post with a friend or check out the MERCH shop! 💖 ✌🏼 😇 ✝️
Comments