It has been over 11 weeks since I accidentally ran my daughter over with my car.
At her latest follow-up appointment, I was unsure of what to expect. I attempted to read the surgeon's face as he was walking into the room. (Why do surgeons always look so serious?) At her two-week appointment, they told us that she was making progress. At her six-week appointment, they told us she was making no progress and expected her femoral head to die. This meant her future would be full of surgeries.
So I went into the 10-week appointment as open-minded as possible.
I held onto my hope but expected to hear the worst. I was sure we would leave there with surgery scheduled. Trying to predict the future or what God might do is never a good idea. (It just makes you crazy!) After the appointment, my kid said to me, "Mom, you looked like you were going to cry and he hadn't even said anything yet!"
My husband told me,
"Calm down! You're pacing!"
"Preparing for the worst" left me worried and pacing the room like a Looney Tune.
But I'm not sure there's any truly "appropriate" way to respond to traumatic situations. Is there?
I said my prayers. I was calm on the way there. We prayed and prayed...
So - while we waited for the doctor to enter, I paced off my anxiety. In my head, this felt like progress. I was doing something other than losing my marbles. In the past, I would've been attempting to predict what he'd say. I was open to what I would hear next. (While singing like Chaka Khan ... "Tell me something good!") AND HE DID! The surgeon had good news for my girl! Hallelujah! This rollercoaster is headed back up! Her X-RAY came back with clear signs of healing! The femoral head is receiving enough blood! The gaps in her bones are filling in! (Tears of JOY!) We know this is a true miracle! The doctor told us that this much progress in 4 weeks is truly remarkable. Based on her previous appointment we had been preparing ourselves to hear that she would need surgery.
In the meantime, we have been filling our heads with worship. There is a lot of time between appointments. Waiting isn't easy. We’ve been listening to this worship song a lot lately,
Million Little Miracles by Elevation Worship & Maverick City
👉🏼 Link: https://youtu.be/Viiw6tGimHo
I fully believe what you put in - is what you get out. If all you consume is negative worldly crap, you will only project negative worldly crap! I don't want that junk in my head or around my family. So - we stay in the word and in worship! I do not want to imagine who I would be without worship. Even when I saturate my head full of goodness - I cannot always get my mind to focus on the good. It is so hard. I am fighting a constant battle in my mind.
I am at war. We all are. We must wisely choose our weapons for battle.
I was recently in a Bible Study with some awesome ladies. One of them said,
"Our culture doesn't know how to suffer well. You bet they knew how during World War II and the great depression and other times. We don't expect to suffer like our ancestors did. The Bible says in this world you will have trouble but I bring you my peace. It doesn't always look like what I want it to but there's a lot we can learn from older people!"
We have experienced a major trauma in our family. I have hope and joy throughout the sorrow of all of this. But I have also put a lot of expectation on myself to act a certain way - or feel a certain way - or do things a certain way. But overall it has been very messy. I don't feel good and things don't look like I think they should. The process of my daughter's healing has not been linear. Her healing has been chaotic with climaxes and pitfalls. There have been tornadoes in between. We are riding the waves while clinging to Jesus.
When speaking with a pastor from our church recently, I told him about the pressure my daughter was feeling in her leg. It was the first time in weeks that she had had any pain or difference in feelings. While she was describing the "pain" to me, my mind could only think that this was God mending her leg. I immediately stopped and laid my hands over where her leg is broken. And we prayed that what she was feeling was the hands of God physically grabbing her femur and femoral head and pushing them back together. The pastor said to me, "Do you know what you're doing when you do this? You are prophesying your daughter's healing!" I hadn't thought of that. I know God is capable, but I'm not sure I believe I have the power to predict healing. I do however know that no matter what, it's going to be okay. No matter what her healing looks like, God is in control, therefore, it will be okay. All I can do is pray and trust!
Heavenly Father, Please let this be You healing my daughter! Fully mend her, Lord!
Fix her so that she will be as good as new! Thank You, Lord! We know You are capable and believe that this sensation is YOUR GOOD! We believe You are healing her now. -AMEN
As I prayed, I envisioned God's Mighty Hands pressing my daughter's bones back together.
I have a good feeling in my gut that God is doing something great with all this pain.
My husband and I had sat with his parents while we all laid hands on her a week prior. During that time we all went around the circle and said a special prayer for her. Even her big sister had words to say to God in regard to her little sister's healing. That moment was so special to me. (Praise God that she has moments like THIS in her little life. She is so loved.) My mother-in-law had written out a prayer to God. It was beautiful and I can't help but feel like it was exactly what she needed.
Matthew 18:20 "For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”
I don't know what the future holds for my family.
But I know that Our God is a God of healing.
GOD HAS THE POWER TO PERFORM MIRACLES!
& HE WILL.
WE MUST TRUST & BELIEVE!
Thank you for reading. 🙏🏼
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